054: Release the Fear of Being Seen

Ready to release the fear of being seen? 

If you want to put yourself out there — but there's another part of you that wants to hide — I'm sharing a 3-step process to help you shed the fear and step into shining.

Join the SHINE workshop here: https://hollyfisherhiggins.podia.com/shine

Follow me on Instagram @hollyfisherhiggins

Work with me 1-1 as a hypnotherapy client: https://www.hollyfisherhiggins.com/work-with-me/rtt-rapid-transformational-hypnotherapy/

Download my free "Clear the Crap" meditation here (this will put you on my email list!)

Podcast Music: Joseph McDade, "On the Verge"

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to MindSpeak. I'm Holly Higgins, a hypnotherapist and a total nerd when it comes to all things holistic mental health. I'm here to help you tap into the truth of who you really are. Beyond trauma, past conditioning, limiting beliefs. Underneath the baggage, there's freedom. Think of the conversations and ideas on this show like breadcrumbs along the healing path. Let's dive in. So if you are wanting to put yourself out there personally, professionally, if you are wanting to amplify your self-expression, but there's a voice inside that says, oh, people are gonna judge me. What if I make a fool of myself? What if something goes horribly wrong? You're going to want to listen to today's episode. And just a little personal update from me, it's been a long time since I've been on the microphone, but I felt really, really called to come back to the podcast in part because I'm noticing more about what I'm enjoying. And I am really gravitating toward long-form content these days. I've loved tuning into other podcasts. I've loved reading books. I've loved consuming slower content because I don't know about you, but to me, it feels like the internet and social media especially is really high voltage these days and not in a good way. I find myself logging into Instagram, which used to be my absolute favorite platform and where I loved connecting with people. And it almost feels like I'm sticking my finger into a light socket or like I'm snorting a line of cocaine. Not that I ever do that. It just feels really, really high speed and high paced, and just like a lot of voltage and noise and distraction. And I'm growing really, really tired of it. And I've talked to a lot of my clients and friends who feel the same way. It's just gotten so noisy that it's not even really an enjoyable experience anymore. And yet, many people, because these platforms are engineered to be addictive, many people find themselves feeling addicted to it even though they don't like it. And I have definitely felt that way and am taking and have taken steps to really start to unplug from those platforms and get back to consuming things that are more nourishing for my brain. And I also want to be creating things that feel slower and more enriching and more nourishing. So I'm really feeling called to put less of my attention on those high-speed, high-paced platforms and to bring my attention back to this podcast, which I've missed so very much. So if you're a longtime listener, thank you for sticking around. And if you're a new listener, I'm really happy to have you here. So let's get into it, talking about the fear of being seen. The reason I'm focusing on this right now is because it's a trend that I've noticed in my private practice. So my one-on-one clients that come to see me for hypnotherapy, it's been really interesting over the last couple of months. I'm noticing that almost all of them are working through the fear of being seen, even if that didn't present as like the direct issue that they came to me for. Number one is what and who are you surrounding yourself with? That can be the people that you're surrounding yourself with, the content that you're consuming. What is it that you're taking in on a regular basis? And a lot of times when it comes to the people that we surround ourselves with, we don't always have a lot of control here. We we always have some degree of control in our life, but sometimes that's a variable that we don't have a ton of control over. So even if you can't control the people that you're around on a day-to-day basis, you can absolutely control the types of content that you're consuming, what you're taking in, et cetera, et cetera. So I want you to just consider what are the voices that you're hearing on a regular basis? Are they positive? Are they uplifting? Are they doubtful? Are they naysaying? Do they perhaps throw you into comparisonitis? I want you to just take a moment and think about the people and the information that you're consuming on a regular basis and just tune in to how does that make you feel? How do these voices and how does this information make you feel about yourself? Does it make you feel like you're too much or you're not enough? Or you need to tone it down or water it down so you'll be safe. Just take a moment and tune into that for yourself and notice what comes up. What's the overall feeling, what's the overall tone? And depending on what you're receiving, it might be a sign that you need to do some auditing in these areas and start to consume some different things, or perhaps dial back your consumption. Whatever you notice is perfect. This is just an exercise of awareness. You know, it's interesting, you may have heard this saying before that we are a summation of the five people that we spend the most time with. Now, this doesn't mean that we take all of those five people and we add them together and that creates us, but what it really means is the five people that you spend the most time with, they're going to rub off on you, whether whether you like it or not, their beliefs, their attitudes, their perspectives, their points of view, it's all going to seep into your awareness and your psyche and your energy, whether you like it or not. And so it's really important to pay attention to who are the five people that you are surrounded with the most, and to also realize you have control here, because I personally, especially within my own lived experience, don't necessarily think it's the five people within your immediate environment, but it's also the voices that you listen to, you know, via social media, via podcasts, via books. So if if you don't necessarily like the five people that you are surrounded by the most in your real life, because sometimes that happens and that's just a fact of life, you can start to surround yourself with other voices outside of you, whether that's through books or podcasts or or wherever you might find these enriching voices. And they can be in your quote unquote top five as well. Because sometimes that doubt that you feel isn't even your own. Whereas if you were to surround yourself with people who think bigger and see bigger and dream bigger, suddenly your way of thinking and being wouldn't feel so weird or out there. So that's number one is pay attention to who and what you are surrounding yourself with, because those opinions, those voices, they can rub off on you, and that's not always a good thing. So do a little audit in that department. Number two is uncover what's behind the fear. So if you have a fear of being seen, of putting yourself out there, being your true self, self-expression, it's really important to get to what's at the bottom of that fear. Because what can happen is the subconscious mind, our deeper mind, can get really, really hung up on old experiences of rejection, embarrassment, humiliation. It can get really hung up on things that go way, way back to early childhood, things that really don't have any impact on you anymore. And the number one job of our subconscious mind is survival. And back in the day, belonging was a very, very important part of survival. Now, of course it still is, but when we were living more in tribal hunter-gatherer times, this was much more life critical. You know, if if we don't belong, if we get kicked out of the tribe, that can mean death. Now, today the consequences typically aren't as severe. However, our mind still perceives it that way. So the number one job of our subconscious is safety and belonging is right up there too. And so when the subconscious scans your environment and it sees a threat to your belonging, ooh, I might stand out, I might be rejected, I might be humiliated, it sends up a red flag and it creates a feeling of alert and alarm in the body that says, uh, don't move toward this thing. It's not safe. And the frustration there is very often we want to move toward these things. We want to be seen, we want to put our work out into the world, we want to express ourselves because our souls are ultimately creative and they are here to grow. And part of growing is expressing and shining and creating. So there's this push-pull phenomenon that happens. There's this part of you that really, really wants to shine and to express and to be seen and to be your biggest, best, brightest self. And then there's another part of you at war with that part that says, no, no, no, it's going to be safer if we hide. It will be better if we hide, because if we hide, we won't have to face ridicule, rejection, being ostracized, etc., etc. And so often the subconscious is basing these fears off of very old experiences. I'll give you a quick example. So a few years ago, I was running one of my very first group experiences. So I had done a lot of one-on-one work with people, but I was getting into this territory where I was wanting to do group work. And so that required a bit of a different energy, a bit of a different approach. It felt like an edge for me at the time. And I had a lot of fear around it and decided to get to the bottom of that because the fear was really uncomfortable. And what I uncovered in hypnosis was I went back to being a child, and I had decided to create this club with my cousins, and we called it the pet club. I was like a little kid, okay. Um, the pet club where we learned about animals every week. And I was so excited about this club. I kind of spearheaded it, and every week we were going to learn about a new animal and learn all of the dorky history about these animals every week. And I was so excited. And I called the very first meeting of the pet club, and my cousins were gathered around, and I think I think I was doing a little presentation on salamanders. Total, total nerd alert here. I was presenting to my cousins on salamanders, and I was so excited. And mind you, there's I have three cousins, and so it's like a small group. It's like this small group presentation on salamanders. And I'm reading and I'm presenting, and then I look up, and all of them are gone. They all disappear, they all bolt. And I felt so humiliated and so shattered in that moment. Oh, this thing that I was so excited about, this thing that I loved, they must think it's boring and awful, and they want absolutely nothing to do with it. And what happened was that created a mark in my subconscious that left an impression. And as an adult, I can look back at that moment and kind of smile and kind of smirk and say, you know, oh, how cute and how innocent. But at the time, it was a really, really big deal. And I was really, really upset. And I formed the beliefs like, I'm uninteresting, it's not safe to share my interests with groups of people. The more people there are, the more humiliation there's going to be. So as I uncovered this in hypnosis, I uncovered all of the beliefs that I formed in that moment of disappointment and humiliation. And what that did was it left a mark in my subconscious that stuck with me. And so unconsciously, as an adult, I was carrying those same beliefs. The more people there are, the more risk there is for humiliation. And so what that did was it created this aversion to doing group work. Ooh, there's going to be more than one person there. The stakes are higher. I could be rejected by more people. And I wasn't conscious of any of this. This was completely subconscious. I hadn't thought of that memory in a really long time. It's not something that I sat around and thought about all the time. But when I went into hypnosis, my subconscious mind took me right to that scene and said, see, here's the reason that you're afraid to put yourself out there on a bigger level. And I was able to untangle that and untie that and help my subconscious mind see I'm not that little girl talking about salamanders anymore. I'm in a different stage of my life. I'm doing different things. I have a thicker skin. It's okay to move forward with this. And when I did that resolution and that reprogramming work, I was able to move forward and create that group experience with so much less tension in my body. I could have moved forward with it and done it anyway, but my experience would not be very enjoyable. It would feel like having one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake. I would have had to have just pushed through that constant anxiety I was feeling. But when I slowed down and I took the time to get to the bottom of the fear and to work through it, I was able to move forward without all of that tension. So the reason for uncovering what's behind your fear of being seen isn't simply to go back into the past and dig things up for the sake of digging things up. That's not any fun. That's not useful. We don't need to rehash things we don't need to rehash. But often it can be very helpful to pull them to the forefront, to pull them to the surface so that we can bring healing to them and we can let the subconscious mind know that we are in a different place, in a different time, and that the rules that we once formed as a child or at a different period in our life, those rules don't have to apply to us anymore. And when we do this, it's almost like we hold a mirror up to the subconscious and it can see itself and it can update itself and it can relax and say, oh, okay, I don't need to put on the brakes anymore. I don't need to send off the alarm bells anymore. I see that you're safe now. I'll settle down. And that's what creates that feeling, that feeling of freedom and safety and flow and ease is when we can untangle and let go of those old hurts that are keeping us stuck. So hypnosis is obviously my favorite way to do this. I think it's the easiest and most efficient way to do this. But you can also do this through free writing and journaling and meditation, just any way that you can get yourself into a relaxed state with some focus where you can let these things emerge and bubble up, they will often present themselves to you. And these things are often the key to unlocking the fear that holds you back. So once you've worked to release those fears, the third thing to consider, number three, is mental rehearsal. And I also like to think about mental rehearsal as daydreaming. And it's important to ask yourself: what are you daydreaming about when it comes to being seen, when it comes to putting yourself out there, doing the thing, going for it, shining? What are you daydreaming about? Are you daydreaming about your best case scenario and everything that could go right? Or are you daydreaming about your worst case scenario and everything that can go wrong? Most people naturally tend to daydream about number two because we all have a mechanism within us that's called negativity bias, where we just default toward the negative because that's our brain's way of keeping us safe. So if you tend to daydream about how you will be a failure and everyone will make fun of you and it will flop and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's really important to shift that around to daydreaming about the best case scenario. What could go right? What if it all turned out even better than you ever imagined it could? What would you be thinking and feeling and experiencing and doing? And really letting yourself sink into that daydream and letting yourself notice the small moments and the small details and allowing yourself to get excited about those things. And often people will do this just a little bit and they'll get like a little bit of the vision, and then the fear will kick in, and then they'll go back to the negative daydreaming or the negative mental rehearsal. And if this is happening for you, if you're having a hard time really deeply connecting to a positive vision and maintaining focus on it, that is a clear sign that you have more work to do in number two, which is uncovering and releasing the fears that are holding you back. Because it's really not fun to do positive daydreaming over and over and over when your system is screaming at you, this isn't safe, this is not good. Alert alert, alert. That's just a clear signal that you have more work to do in the second category, which is uncovering and releasing the fear. But once you've done some clearing in that area, positive mental rehearsal is a game changer. When I work with clients one-on-one, we get really clear about what they don't want. So, what their problems and issues and challenges are. And then I also ask them to get really clear about what they do want. So, what is your vision for success? How would you be thinking and feeling and acting? Uh, what is the clearest picture that you can paint of that? And then at the end of a session, I always make my clients an audio that vividly spells that out and creates a vivid mental picture for them that they can rehearse over and over and over. And when you do positive mental rehearsal, it just has a way of coming true. Because whatever you rehearse is what you're calling into your experience. So the more that you can practice positive mental rehearsal, the more that you're going to attract and draw in those things that match and mirror your definition of success. And if you're just getting started with mental rehearsal, I have a couple of tips for you. So first of all, just have some time having fun, getting really clear about what it looks like for you to shine, to be fearless and putting yourself out there to be seen. You know, maybe for you that looks like speaking up at work, or maybe it looks like wearing whatever you want to wear and not worrying about what other people think. Or maybe it looks like creating something that feels a little risky or feels like an edge for you. I want you to just think about what would it look like for you to shine and to be fully expressed, and just really, really pay attention to the sensory details that come through for you. Where are you? What are you doing? What are you wearing? How are you feeling? What are other people saying to you? Just really start to take all of those details in, and you can just jot these down in a journal. Basically, you're creating a really vivid picture for yourself to anchor into, to anchor into a positive experience of being seen. And you're going to make that image and that picture so detailed that it almost lights up like a movie in your mind. And if you're not a visual person, just pay attention to your other senses. What are you hearing? What are you feeling? Just however you narrate to yourself in your mind, whether that's through words or through images, you want to just create that really clear picture of what it looks like for you to shine and what it looks like for you to be seen. And once you have that image, you just want to intentionally drop into it, honestly, as often as you can. But the best thing to do is to just start with once a day. And I recommend first thing in the morning when you wake up or as you're falling asleep because when you're waking up and when you're falling asleep, you're in those in-between brain waves. And that in-between space, between wake and between sleep, that is the ideal space for reprogramming your subconscious. So if you have to pick one time a day to do it, do it as soon as you as soon as you wake up or as you're falling asleep at night. And then once you get the hang of that, just start daydreaming at other times until it becomes a habit. I've heard of some people setting alarms on their phone where they'll do a little bit of intentional daydreaming. And as you're doing this daydreaming, it has a purpose. It is reprogramming your subconscious mind to feel safe around being seen and to not only feel safe, but to feel excited and to feel motivated and to get momentum around doing the things that you want to do. Because ultimately, that's what this is about is for you to do the things that are on your heart, to do those things that have been poking you on the shoulder and saying, Oh, I really, really, really want to do this, and to stop suffocating yourself and talking yourself out of the things that you want to do. And it starts with mental rehearsal. So just start as you're falling asleep or first thing in the morning, and then build from there. And you'll notice if you commit to this, the mentum just builds and builds and builds. So to recap, number one, do an audit around who and what you are surrounding yourself with. Who are the people that you're surrounding yourself with, and what is the information that you're taking in on a regular basis, and how is that making you feel? If it's making you feel like you need to shrink, you need to hide, you need to contort yourself, that is worth looking at, paying attention to, and making some changes. Number two, uncovering what is the real fear behind being seen. And exercises like hypnosis, journaling, free writing, all of these can help you get to the deeper root around your fear of being seen. And when you work through that, it can create a lot of freedom and ease that you weren't experiencing before. And finally, number three, mental rehearsal, daydreaming about the things that you do want and not the things that you don't want. Because the more that you're able to paint a vivid picture of what you do want, the more that your mind is going to naturally steer you in the right direction. So if you want some help with this, if you want some support with this, I have a new workshop that walks you through this process step by step. It's called Shine, Release the Fear of Being Seen. And this is a two-hour workshop that takes place on November 5th. If you can't make it live, there's a replay available. It's a hypnosis workshop where I'm going to drop you into hypnosis so you are going to get my help in untangling these old fears and these old beliefs that are keeping you stuck. And then once you do that in the workshop, you get a 30-day subconscious reprogramming audio that you listen to every day. And what that does is it creates a program of mental rehearsal for you where you are going to get to mentally rehearse the visions for what you do want. And you're going to receive some reprogramming around those beliefs that are keeping you stuck in small. So that by the end of 30 days of listening to this audio, just once a day, you're going to be in a completely different headspace where it feels not only safe, but exciting to be seen, to be heard, to be witnessed, to put yourself out there. And some of the goals that I have for participants of this workshop, and what I really want you to walk away with, is to care less about what other people think and care more about what you think and what you want, and to be able to confidently showcase your work, whether that's in your professional life or in your creative life, to just feel really confident about the work that you're putting out into the world, to stop suffocating your soul, to stop muzzling yourself and muting yourself and to connect with your silly, playful, goofy side again, because not everything has to be so serious, you know? And finally, to help you attract opportunities and people that just feel like a yes, like yes, I was meant to connect with this person, I was meant to do this, to just have all of these synchronicities fall into place for you and your work. And so if this feels like, ooh, yes, this is what I need, I invite you to check out the workshop. I'll put all of the links and the details in the show notes. Uh, it's happening November 5th, so make sure that you get enrolled by then. And if you can't make the live workshop, no worries, the replay will be available within 24 hours, and you'll still get to walk through all of the exercises, and it's going to be amazing. So, again, details are linked up in the show notes. So excited to see you there. And until next time, go believe in you. I do.